You get a speeding ticket even when you’re parked.

You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.

You sleep with your eyes open.

You watch videos in fast-forward.

You lick your coffeepot clean.

Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.

You can type sixty words a minute with your feet.

You can jump-start your car without cables.

You don’t sweat, you percolate.

You go to AA meetings just for the free coffee.

You’re so wired you pick up FM radio.

Your life’s goal is to “amount to a hill of beans.”

Instant coffee takes too long.

Your first-aid kit contains two pints of coffee with an I.V. hookup.

You’re monthly coffee expenses are higher than your car payment.

When asked where you want to go to eat, you say Starbucks.

Not only do the employees know you by name, but so does everyone in the store.

When giving directions, they include a Starbucks drive through.

You plan your next house or office/job around a Starbucks location.

You can relate to more than a few of the above.